Not All Here
Everyday at exactly 4:57 PM, my brain packs up and flies to outer space.
Leaving my "I'm stuck in a field that I don't really care for but might as well make something out of while I'm here" energy severely compromised.
Abandon me as I am stuck—in excel. Reconciling data is complicated 10 billion times when there are a gazillion formulas involved. #DIV/0--#VALUE--#N/A, #NAME? I worship this program's creativity in coming up with so many different ways to say "Fuck you, try again."
I'm thinking of making up a song that strings together all these arguments, maybe throw some other commands in there. A must have lyric: "I Vlooked up your mom last night." Hell, that could even be a facebook group. Oh the possibilities. Or, check this, yo momma's so fat that the circular reference error in excel, is actually referring to her. <--*Trademark yo momma joke courtesy of Michelle's outerspace brain.*
Outside, I'm staring extra hard at the monitor screen. Clicking away, mechanically calculating returns. Inside, I'm on vacation. Like today, I was eating Fun Dip when it happened.
Fun Dip, what a presumptuous and false claim. Clearly the candy isn't living up to its name at all. Firstly the stick that you use to dip into the powder tastes like sugary sweet death. It also looks like a piece of chalk. Then there's the cherry flavored powder, which tastes like ground up chalk, and I can talk because I once ate chalk on a dare. So it's literally like dipping a piece of chalk into more ground up chalk. Again, what is so fun about Fun Dip? If anything they should call it Lame Dip. But, it's not altogether hopeless. Instead of cherry flavored chalk powder, they should use pop rocks. So that everytime you take a dip, it's a PARTY in your mouth. Now that's FUN. <--*Trademark product idea courtesy of my outerspace brain.*
I'm off to test this product. I wonder if eating enough will numb my mouth.
Leaving my "I'm stuck in a field that I don't really care for but might as well make something out of while I'm here" energy severely compromised.
Abandon me as I am stuck—in excel. Reconciling data is complicated 10 billion times when there are a gazillion formulas involved. #DIV/0--#VALUE--#N/A, #NAME? I worship this program's creativity in coming up with so many different ways to say "Fuck you, try again."
I'm thinking of making up a song that strings together all these arguments, maybe throw some other commands in there. A must have lyric: "I Vlooked up your mom last night." Hell, that could even be a facebook group. Oh the possibilities. Or, check this, yo momma's so fat that the circular reference error in excel, is actually referring to her. <--*Trademark yo momma joke courtesy of Michelle's outerspace brain.*
Outside, I'm staring extra hard at the monitor screen. Clicking away, mechanically calculating returns. Inside, I'm on vacation. Like today, I was eating Fun Dip when it happened.
Fun Dip, what a presumptuous and false claim. Clearly the candy isn't living up to its name at all. Firstly the stick that you use to dip into the powder tastes like sugary sweet death. It also looks like a piece of chalk. Then there's the cherry flavored powder, which tastes like ground up chalk, and I can talk because I once ate chalk on a dare. So it's literally like dipping a piece of chalk into more ground up chalk. Again, what is so fun about Fun Dip? If anything they should call it Lame Dip. But, it's not altogether hopeless. Instead of cherry flavored chalk powder, they should use pop rocks. So that everytime you take a dip, it's a PARTY in your mouth. Now that's FUN. <--*Trademark product idea courtesy of my outerspace brain.*
I'm off to test this product. I wonder if eating enough will numb my mouth.
posted by Mix at 10:39 PM
5 Comments:
I love that little "blog" poem you added on the side panel, where'd you get it from?
It made me think of three things. One, humans are very egocentric, they want to be the focus of everyone's attention. Two, humans are egocentric, they think that by writing about themselves this will make people interested in them, the purpose of blogging is to write about me. Three, humans are egocentric, they think that people will automatically be interested in them without actually making an effort to know and connect with their readers.
By the way, I'm totally in love with Lore Sjöberg! Check out his writing at http://www.wired.com/storylist/1271-0-0.html
I know I've said it before, but I like your writing. Although you may not enjoy the events you are experiencing, the fact that you can turn it into entertaining writing is a feat in itself.
I like your entries because it's the antithesis of the following:
http://www.brunching.com/journalgenerator.html
Oh and it's always good to have a sense of humor about life, because otherwise we'd all go insane. In fact, how do we know we're not already insane?
Keep up the humor! =)
Here's a career assessment website that might be helpful.
http://www.assessment.com/MAPPMembers/Welcome.asp?Accnum=06-5329-000.00
excel? returns? are you an accountant?
no way!
you know, you're stuck in the wrong place don't you? my mom is an accountant and she loves her work. it's really sad seeing you do something you hate, while you could be making such a huge and positive and more creative contribution elsewhere..where your real abilities lie.
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