Mi Familia
Five Minutes After Being Seated at Margaret Cho's (Rated top in the Zaggot Guide!!!)...
Dad: So how about the soft shelled crab? Hmmmm sushi? You (to me) can get sushi if you like sushi, I think they have some good sushi here. What about beef noodles?
Mom: ANGRY SILENCE. Already angry about something? That's how it always is. Dad always ends up ordering something because mom takes too long to decide. Actually she takes too long to decide because everything to her is too expensive on the menu. So to make up for the awkward silence and the pressing hunger, my dad and I will start ordering whatever. Right about then, she usually gets pissed because my dad, seemingly oblivious to his own wife after 30 years (or maybe just to purposely piss her off), will usually start picking out the most expensive dishes.I know better, I usually pick out the reasonably cheap entrees.
After ten minutes of my dad muttering about what he's getting...
Mom: Why do you have to get that. The stuff you ordered yesterday was disgusting. It wasn't even food. Soft shelled crabs? I bet that comes in tiny portions...blahblahblah...and so on.
Dad: Well I'm ordering because I'm hungry and you haven't said a word. If you're not going to order that's fine. If you're gonna sit there and look like you just ate some awful shit (in Chinese of course) then I'm going to order because we are hungry. You never say what you WANT, so please don't be so quick to shoot down other people's orders. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it.
Mom: Slams down the menu. Proceeds to be bitter for the REST of dinner. Refuses to touch the food that comes.
This is what happens eight out of ten times when we go out to eat. Oh my family: can't live with them, can't live without them.
Dad: So how about the soft shelled crab? Hmmmm sushi? You (to me) can get sushi if you like sushi, I think they have some good sushi here. What about beef noodles?
Mom: ANGRY SILENCE. Already angry about something? That's how it always is. Dad always ends up ordering something because mom takes too long to decide. Actually she takes too long to decide because everything to her is too expensive on the menu. So to make up for the awkward silence and the pressing hunger, my dad and I will start ordering whatever. Right about then, she usually gets pissed because my dad, seemingly oblivious to his own wife after 30 years (or maybe just to purposely piss her off), will usually start picking out the most expensive dishes.I know better, I usually pick out the reasonably cheap entrees.
After ten minutes of my dad muttering about what he's getting...
Mom: Why do you have to get that. The stuff you ordered yesterday was disgusting. It wasn't even food. Soft shelled crabs? I bet that comes in tiny portions...blahblahblah...and so on.
Dad: Well I'm ordering because I'm hungry and you haven't said a word. If you're not going to order that's fine. If you're gonna sit there and look like you just ate some awful shit (in Chinese of course) then I'm going to order because we are hungry. You never say what you WANT, so please don't be so quick to shoot down other people's orders. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it.
Mom: Slams down the menu. Proceeds to be bitter for the REST of dinner. Refuses to touch the food that comes.
This is what happens eight out of ten times when we go out to eat. Oh my family: can't live with them, can't live without them.
posted by Mix at 5:31 PM
2 Comments:
Wow.
The way my family usually orders is, my mom basically never orders a real meal because she says she can't finish a whole thing. So she ends up ordering some small salad or a soup and then takes parts out of our meals.
really now?
my parents don't believe in restaurants because my dad thinks he's the greatest chef in the world. but when we do go out, everyone orders and we always end up having to doggie bag the food. most often, the post restaurant conversation is "i think your father makes it better."
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