See Saw

It is a common fact that when one area of your life starts looking up, surely another will come tumbling down. I feel like I am being forced to regulate one of those see-saws at the playground, against my will. Unlike the simplicity of the seesaw however, there are more than two ends, there are like 2540239423098230823034982304. On each of those ends sits an important area of my life, love life, career, family, finances...to name a few of the heavy weights.

And just when you think you have begun to regulate some of these heavy weights...out of nowhere "personal finances" starts to plummet. And to illustrate my point, here is something bitterly amusing that probably won't stay up for long because anyone could be reading this right now (curse you modern technology):

"You are welcome Michelle - glad that it was an easy flow for you!
Regarding the receipts you mention below... I'm sorry but we will not reimburse you for your trip expenses - it's not a part of our procedure.

Thanks,
Diana "

This letter from a big evil corporation that will remain anonymous until I get angry enough to disclose them (ahem you probably hold one of their cards in your wallet, it's NOT accepted everywhere like visa but it IS pretty), was enough to destroy the cheeriness that I had been building up for myself all weekend. Clearly you get the gist from my entries that it's been a rough summer. I decided that at least I would not let the summer end this way, I don't want to remember the summer after my college graduation as the summer that blew. So I decided to plan a trip, I like planning (the mere thought of planning something like this gets me excited) and I like trips (even if it has to be by myself, fine, it's time for a solo trip anyway). So, I don't know what I would do but it involves driving and seeing new sights. As you can see, there is a lot of planning that needs to be done. But now, thanks to EVIL and Diana, I can put the pen down, I can stare at an empty piece of white paper and I can watch my trip plans escape down the drain. I worked a double today, 12 hours, I can't even feel my legs anymore. I probably made at best 60 dollars...not enough to pay for my interview trip. Money is hard to come by, but not for BIG EVIL CORPORATION. If they had told me that was their policy before the interview...then I would have booked the Chinatown bus, not Amtrak. I would have perhaps not even bothered going. Not to mention the opportunity cost of missing work that day for this interview...another 60 dollars. Now I'm down 120 dollars, and just down period.

There will be no trip. In fact right at this moment, I can think of maybe one person I can call up and get consolation from but it's too late at night. I am short in money, I am short in company, I am short in optimism. What else could possibly go wrong, because I fucking would like it to happen now...all at once...get it over with. So that I can start having a change of luck. My summer is really going to end with me realizing that I am better off living with cats and clinging onto my parents because nobody else seems to really give a shit. The worst thing of all is that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, and somehow cheer myself up. And when I become stupidly optimistic again, this anger and depression will be completely forgotten, because that's the way I am. To everyone that knows me, I am happy, in fact I have been known to be able to cheer others up. That's why everyone's going to abandon me for someone "REALLY DEPRESSED," someone that REALLY deserves the attention. My greatest gift has also become my greatest curse.

So to recap, aka READ HERE FOR THE CLIFFSNOTES VERSION of my whine and ramble:
I am angry because 1) Big evil corporations like this one can clearly afford to reimburse me for my travel expenses 2) I could have looked at cheapertravel alternatives had I known of such a heinous possibility 3) for the first time this summer, I was really looking forward to something (a future event that involves me flying solo), that something being this nonexistent trip. 4) I cannot picure anyone I can call right now, that anyone being someone who would listen to my pathetic sobfest and still feel sympathy, and lend me a shoulder or at least a concerned sigh.

At least when I recover and become ignorantly blissful again, I will have this entry to remind me that I need to start looking into some talkng cats or something.