Everything is Open, Nothing is Set in Stone.
When I was younger:
I held no dreams.
I didn't fantasize about my perfect wedding, perfect job, perfect husband, and how they would all fit together to make my perfect life.
Instead I studied, was forced to study, and came to hate studying.
My parents used to say that if I watched 1 hour less of TV, played 1 hour less with barbies, hung out 1 hour less with my friends, I would grow up and have the life I'd always wanted. Perfect, except there are just two things wrong with that. ONE: I didn't have the slightest inkling as to what I wanted my life to be like. TWO: Apparently, years later, I am finding out that their idea of a great life and mine don't quite match. But why would a 9 year old question semantics? So I believed them. I took their dream life and made it mine.
Well what a rude awakening freedom of choice is. Today at the ripe age of 23, 22, (shit how old am I) I am paying for it all. I have no sense of direction in life, and I am fickle. God am I fickle. It's a deadly combination. I envy people with passions, pursuits, even if they are pursuits I may never agree with. At least they're not fumbling around in the dark, wasting time by trying on pieces of clothing that happen to be in reach, making them fit even if they don't.
When I tried to declare International Relations as a major, my advisor incredulously laughed at my transcript. "You've got, what is all this, greek and roman mythology, food, writing, scandalous arts???" I responded by declaring Econ as my major. Econ, with its steady hand in numbers, its lucrative opportunities, most importantly it's least amount of credits left to graduate. This, was, my pattern, my protocol for life. Blindly try everything and when I finally realize time is running out, settle on the default. Blindly try everyone and realize too late that some people are just not a good fit. Some would call it an open mind, I call it a directionless mind.
People who are stuck in jobs they don't like, with people they can't seem to justify, are people who have no idea what they really want out of life. We are the waking, walking, wandering, lost.
I held no dreams.
I didn't fantasize about my perfect wedding, perfect job, perfect husband, and how they would all fit together to make my perfect life.
Instead I studied, was forced to study, and came to hate studying.
My parents used to say that if I watched 1 hour less of TV, played 1 hour less with barbies, hung out 1 hour less with my friends, I would grow up and have the life I'd always wanted. Perfect, except there are just two things wrong with that. ONE: I didn't have the slightest inkling as to what I wanted my life to be like. TWO: Apparently, years later, I am finding out that their idea of a great life and mine don't quite match. But why would a 9 year old question semantics? So I believed them. I took their dream life and made it mine.
Well what a rude awakening freedom of choice is. Today at the ripe age of 23, 22, (shit how old am I) I am paying for it all. I have no sense of direction in life, and I am fickle. God am I fickle. It's a deadly combination. I envy people with passions, pursuits, even if they are pursuits I may never agree with. At least they're not fumbling around in the dark, wasting time by trying on pieces of clothing that happen to be in reach, making them fit even if they don't.
When I tried to declare International Relations as a major, my advisor incredulously laughed at my transcript. "You've got, what is all this, greek and roman mythology, food, writing, scandalous arts???" I responded by declaring Econ as my major. Econ, with its steady hand in numbers, its lucrative opportunities, most importantly it's least amount of credits left to graduate. This, was, my pattern, my protocol for life. Blindly try everything and when I finally realize time is running out, settle on the default. Blindly try everyone and realize too late that some people are just not a good fit. Some would call it an open mind, I call it a directionless mind.
People who are stuck in jobs they don't like, with people they can't seem to justify, are people who have no idea what they really want out of life. We are the waking, walking, wandering, lost.
posted by Mix at 1:26 AM
9 Comments:
You've hit the nail on the head!
That is precisely the problem. Parents think good life = good job. But there is so much more to life and people don't know how to go about it.
Maybe I was just lucky, but I started questioning the meaning of existance in middle school. I thought to myself, "Why am I in school?" To go to college ... "Why go to college?" To get a good job "Why get a good job?" For money "Why money?" Because it's supposed to make me happy
I just don't buy that crap. Money by itself can never make me happy, if that's all that life is about then I'd rather be dead, and that's when I started my never ending long pursuit of how to best live my life.
I think a lot of people get buried into the details of life that by the time they realize it, their life is already over.
That's why I emphasize so much that people need to think for themselves, discover themselves, and really reflect on themselves and their own life.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
to "me", you said before that you wanted to become a psychiatrist, partly because physicians make money. i'm wondering if maybe that path won't really make you happy..
to "mix", you are seriously one of the most eloquent writers in the blogosphere. i seriously think you should develop the writing abilities and in all honesty, i think people would really enjoy reading about your thoughts in a magazine or newspaper, online or in print. you're just so eloquent that to not develop it would be a tragic waste!
i've never complimented anyone's writing ability before, so you've definitely made an impression on me.
Thanks Ig. Maybe that's my dream.
lg, that would only be a problem if money was my end goal.
I think people confuse the difference between using money as a means and amassing money as an end in itself. Making money is a neutral act, however the reason why you're making the money and what you intend on using the money for is going to be either beneficial or deleterious. May we all choose the better reason and the better use for our money making.
Also, how we make our money makes a big difference. I hope we all make money in an honest fashion which will benefit society and not hinder it. If there's one thing I can't stand it's the smart people who choose to leech off of society instead of aiding it.
to 'me', the truth is that a psychologist is the one who usually provides psychotherapy whereas a psychiatrist is normally the one dispensing medication. you said you don't think medication is the answer and yet you want to be a psychiatrist because they make more money , have more stable incomes, and that's because their services are covered by HMO's. i'm not saying that's wrong or anything, to want a stable income, but if chosing psychiatry over psychology even though you believe in therapy more than medication isn't selling out to money, then what is? just admit that money is important and we will sacrifice some of our ideals in order to get more of it and that we do buy into the so called 'crap' that a. we went to college to partially end up with a higher chance of getting a good job. and b. we do want a good job partly for the money. and c. money can make you live easier and living easier makes you happy.
it's certainly more honest than saying yeah, be yourself, follow your dreams, discover yourself , money ain't a factor
This comment has been removed by the author.
http://nonameanonymous.blogspot.com/2005/06/in-response-to-fellow-philosophers.html
I'm disappointed by your doubts of my integrity.
ok, sorry for questioning your integrity. though, there is one thorny issue, and that is the usage of the word "people".
you juxtapose yourself 'i' with the others 'people' . you against the rest of the 'people' who supposedly don't know , who get buried in the details of life, and you , the 'I' think that these masses of 'people' should 'learn' to think for themselves'
the only thing i learned was that the 'i' is wiser than the 'people'.
From my observations, people don't think enough for themselves.
Everyone, myself included, should look within themselves and develop their potential.
If you're already doing that, great! If not, then consider doing so.
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